Eldership & Oversight: With a Tender Hand
This web page is designed to support the book “With a tender hand”.
With a tender hand is a resource book for eldership and oversight. Part of the book’s approach is to augment and expand on guidance in Quaker faith & practice http://qfp.quaker.org.uk/ , particularly chapter 12 “Caring for one another”, making it more accessible.
This online resource is designed to provide access to a range of extension materials, further resources and links to other useful sites, and will be regularly updated and added to. It will be worth checking for new material not referenced in the book, including new or revised publications on relevant topics.
At various points in the book, reference is made to Quaker Life books for sale or free material that can be obtained through the Quaker Centre Bookshop. A complete list can be found here http://www.quaker.org.uk/resources-eldership-and-oversight. The Quaker bookshop has an online presence here: http://www.quaker.org.uk/shop.
Each chapter in the book ends with a set of queries. Downloadable versions of each set of queries are available from these webpages.
The format of the webpage includes an entry for each of the 66 times that the website is named in the book. Each entry will link to appropriate information.
At this early stage there will be some gaps were we are seeking information and examples from Friends and Meetings. We would welcome your help to add examples of local resources that may be of interest to others.
Although “With a tender hand” was written for British Quakers, it may also be of interest and use to other Friends, particularly those who have unprogrammed worship, however, references to legislation and regulations will need to be interpreted in the context of your own country’s laws.
In a similar way, British Friends can benefit from the experience of other Friends. The Friends General Conference publication Fostering Vital Friends Meetings is an excellent resource on a range of topics: http://www.fgcquaker.org/resources/resources-fostering-vital-friends-meetings.
If your meeting has documents that can be freely shared with others, then do please be in touch with Michael Booth, the Support for Meetings Officer in Quaker Life: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk or 020 7663 1023. These will normally be lightly edited to remove personal contact details. We would be happy to include information from outside our Yearly Meeting.
Please note that links to PDFs below will open in a new browser window. You are welcome to download them, using your browser’s, Page Save As option.
Introduction
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Page 18 The appropriate link for this is the very page we are on! www.quaker.org.uk/tender-hand
1: Pastoral Care
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Chapter 1 Why do Quaker meetings need eldership and oversight? Page 33 The queries for chapter 1 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 2 Ways of working together Page 47 The queries for chapter 2 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 3 Grounding our practice Page 60 We would be pleased to receive information from meetings with examples of eldership and oversight welcome and induction material. They can be sent to Michael Booth michaelsb@quaker.org.uk in Quaker Life. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 66 The queries for chapter 3 (PDF, will open in new window)
2: Worship
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Page 69 Here is a link to the Quaker bookshop catalogue http://www.quaker.org.uk/shop/book-catalogue do use it and search on Worship, or visit the bookshop and see what we have to offer. -
Chapter 4 Meeting for worship Page 84 The queries for chapter 4 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 5 Vocal ministry Page 88 The ministry in worship guidance sheet (see page 87) – PDF to follow. Page 88 Worship Sharing and Creative listening are used as synonyms within Friends.Information on worship sharing can be found on various Quaker websites, including http://www.fgcquaker.org/resources/worship-sharing-guidelines , http://about.bym-rsf.net/worship/worship-sharing/ and https://www.quakercloud.org/cloud/maury-river-friends-meeting/pages/e-worship-sharing . If you have a meeting leaflet about worship sharing that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that will contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.Afterword or afterwords. Many meetings have a period of time after Meeting for Worship where people can share thoughts and insights that they didn’t consider to be ministry. Bideford Meeting describes it as: “the hour is followed by a few minutes of ‘Afterwords’ during which anyone present can talk about what might have been in their mind during the meeting, even though they did not feel prompted to speak during the hour’s worship. This is a sharing exercise, not a discussion, and can sometimes be inspiring, or heartwarming.”If you have a meeting leaflet about afterword that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 97 Lists of Quaker leaflets on Quaker practice can be found at http://www.quaker.org.uk/outreach-leaflets Page 99 The queries for chapter 5 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 6 Worship in the life of the meeting Page 106 Further information and writings on marriage can be found here http://www.quaker.org.uk/quaker-marriages and here http://www.quaker.org.uk/equal-marriage on the various links that appear on those pages. Page 107 Here is a link to the Quaker bookshop catalogue on the topic of aging, dying, death and bereavement http://www.quaker.org.uk/shop/category/pastoral-care-aging-dying-death-and-bereavement-0 or visit the bookshop and see what we have to offer. Page 107 The funeral wishes leaflet can be found here: http://www.quaker.org.uk/funeral-wishes-leaflet it can be downloaded as a word file which can then be completed by typing on it, or it can be printed out and then completed by hand. Page 115 The queries for chapter 6 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 7 Openings for the Spirit Page 119 Some of the ideas listed on the page can be found in the free to download activity booklets (Being Quaker, Doing Quaker and What do you do in meeting for worship) at the bottom of http://www.quaker.org.uk/resources-eldership-and-oversight, others will be available as the featured activity in Being Friends Together: http://together.woodbrooke.org.uk/welcome.php. Don’t presume that activities included in resources written for children and young people http://www.quaker.org.uk/cyp-resources are too simplistic for adults. There are many deep tasks included in these resources. If you have a meeting resource that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 127 Being Quaker, Doing Quaker can be downloaded from here: http://www.quaker.org.uk/sites/default/files/Being-Q-Doing-Q-web.pdf Page 128 If you have community building ideas which have worked well in your meeting that we can share, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 131 Please see the link at page 345, in chapter 19. age 134 The queries for chapter 7 (PDF, will open in new window)
3: Community
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Chapter 8 The meaning of community Page 146 Some of these activities are to be found in Being Friends Together http://together.woodbrooke.org.uk/welcome.php If your meeting has explanations of these ideas or more ideas of activities to do together that other meetings can use, then please share them with Quaker Life by sending them to michaelsb@quaker.org.uk . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 151 The queries for chapter 8 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 9 Belonging and commitment Page 162 If you have a successful meeting activity on sharing gifts that we can make available to others, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 167 The leaflet Membership: Principles and processes can be downloaded from here: http://www.quaker.org.uk/sites/default/files/Membership_principles_and_processes.pdf Page 171 The queries for chapter 9 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 10 All age community Page 177 Special issues of Journeys in the Spirit can be found on the webpage http://www.quaker.org.uk/journeys/special-issues-children. The “Connecting as a community” issue is about half way down the page. Page 185 Meeting Safety can be downloaded from this page: http://www.quaker.org.uk/meetingsafety Page 188 The queries for chapter 10 (PDF, will open in new window)
4: Caring
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Chapter 11 Addressing need Page 204 The queries for chapter 11 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 12 Receiving care Page 214 The queries for chapter 12 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 13 Absent friends Page 226 The queries for chapter 13 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 14 Conflict and difficulty in the meeting Page 228 Here is a link to the Quaker bookshop catalogue http://www.quaker.org.uk/shop/book-catalogue do use it and search on conflict resolution, or visit the bookshop and see what we have to offer.If you have a meeting resource that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 244 Here is a link to the Quaker bookshop catalogue http://www.quaker.org.uk/shop/book-catalogue do use it and search on conflict, or visit the bookshop and see what we have to offer.If you have a meeting resource that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 244 Here is a link to the Quaker bookshop catalogue http://www.quaker.org.uk/shop/book-catalogue do use it and search on listening or conflict resolution, or visit the bookshop and see what we have to offer.If you have a meeting resource that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 246 Quaker Life staff are available by letter, telephone or e-mail to listen and respond to Meetings that are working through issues. Sometimes, it will become clear that more personal contact is required and a visit by experienced members of the Quaker Life Network would be desirable. It is possible to initiate a request for a visit by completing an online form: go to https://forms.quaker.org.uk/qln-request-form/ and send us details. Many Friends find completing the form easier after they have spoken to Quaker Life staff. Page 249 The queries for chapter 14 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 15 Disability, vulnerable and times of stress Page 251 If you have good experience of a resource that we can share or know of an appropriate organisation that can offer support in any of the topics covered in this chapter, do please let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. However, we cannot vouch for the service provided by any of the organisations we list. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 259 If you have good experience of a resource that we can share or know of an appropriate organisation that can offer support for Friends on the subject of Mental Health, do please let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. However, we cannot vouch for the service provided by any of the organisations we list. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Staff in Quaker Life can listen and help a meeting consider how it can support someone with a mental health issue. However, we do not provide professional mental health support. Page 264 If you have good experience of a resource that we can share or know of an appropriate organisation that can offer support for bereaved children, do please let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. However, we cannot vouch for the service provided by any of the organisations we list. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 265 There is an e-mail contact form to be in touch with the Quaker Concern for Dying and Death here: https://www.quaker.org.uk/quaker-concern-around-dying-and-death at the time of writing this, there is no website. Page 265 Here is a link to the Quaker bookshop catalogue on the topic of aging, dying, death and bereavement http://www.quaker.org.uk/shop/category/pastoral-care-aging-dying-death-and-bereavement-0, or visit the Bookshop and see what we have to offer. If you have a meeting resource that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 271 If you have good experience of a resource that we can share or know of an appropriate organisation that can offer support as a result of abusive relationships, do please let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. However, we cannot vouch for the service provided by any of the organisations we list. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Here are links to the leaflets Maintaining Safe Communities http://www.quaker.org.uk/sites/default/files/Maintaining-safe-communities-web_1.pdf and Maintaining boundaries http://www.quaker.org.uk/sites/default/files/Maintaining-boundaries-web_1.pdf . Page 272 For a copy of the booklet Meetings and (ex) offenders, please contact Michael Booth michaelsb@quaker.org.uk 020 7663 1023 or Marleen Schepers marleens@quaker.org.uk 020 7663 1143. It is only circulated on request. Page 274 Support for Quaker Prison Chaplains can be found here: http://www.quaker.org.uk/qpc while more general support for chaplains can be found here: http://www.quaker.org.uk/qpc Page 274 The publication “A brief guide to Quaker chaplaincy can be downloaded from here: http://www.quaker.org.uk/sites/default/files/Brief-guide-Quaker-chaplaincy.pdf . Page 276 The queries for chapter 15 (PDF, will open in new window)
5: Communication
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Chapter 16 Communicating as Friends Page 302 The queries for chapter 16 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 17 The Quaker way of right ordering Page 310 Quaker decision making process resources. Here is a link to the Quaker bookshop catalogue on the topic of the Quaker decision making process/Quaker business method. http://www.quaker.org.uk/shop/category/your-meeting-business-meeting-gospel-order-0 or visit the Bookshop and see what we have to offer. Two additional publications may also be of interest: http://www.quaker.org.uk/shop/mind-oneness-foundation-good-quaker-business-method and http://www.quaker.org.uk/shop/god-and-decision-making as well as chapter 3 of Quaker faith & practice http://qfp.quaker.org.uk/chapter/3/If you have a meeting resource that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 312 The current edition of Meeting safety can be downloaded from a link on this page http://www.quaker.org.uk/meetingsafety. Page 324 If you have a resource on meeting policies on expenses payments and discretionary funding that we can share, do please let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 29 of the Committee Handbook http://www.quaker.org.uk/sites/default/files/Committee-Handbook-web-version_0.pdf has the current advice for members of BYM committees. Page 327 Membership: principles and processes: this leaflet can be downloaded from http://www.quaker.org.uk/membership-principles-and-processes-leaflet . Page 329 The queries for chapter 17 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 18 Keeping people informed Page 334 Newer printed and electronic material is often available in a format that can be used by text to speech software. Contact the Quaker bookshop or our publications team for assistance. Page 343 The queries for chapter 18 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 19 Making connections Page 345 Some ideas for group working and guidance on how to facilitate them can be found in the free to download activity booklets (Being Quaker, Doing Quaker and What do you do in meeting for worship) at the bottom of http://www.quaker.org.uk/resources-eldership-and-oversight, others will be available in Being Friends Together: http://together.woodbrooke.org.uk/welcome.php. There is plenty of good advice included in resources written for children and young people http://www.quaker.org.uk/cyp-resources : material aimed at all-age activities would be a good place to start. If you have a meeting resource that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 349 Some guidance on facilitation will be found in Being Friends Together: http://together.woodbrooke.org.uk/welcome.php. There is plenty of good advice included in resources written for children and young people http://www.quaker.org.uk/cyp-resources: Material aimed at all-age activities would be a good place to start. If you have a meeting resource that we can share or know of a good website or publication on this topic do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 350 The threshing meeting leaflet can be found here http://www.quaker.org.uk/threshing-pamphlet. Quaker Life staff are available by letter, telephone or e-mail to listen and respond to Meetings that are working through issues. Sometimes, it will become clear that more personal contact is required and a visit by experienced members of the Quaker Life Network would be desirable. It is possible to initiate a request for a visit by completing an online form: go to https://forms.quaker.org.uk/qln-request-form/ and send us details. Many Friends find completing the form easier after they have spoken to Quaker Life staff. If you have a successful meeting activity on exploring issues that we can make available to others, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 362 The queries for chapter 19 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 20 Being in touch in a modern world Page 370 Data security guidance for meetings can be found on this webpage: http://www.quaker.org.uk/data-safety. Page 374 If you have examples of online ground rules and netiquette ideas which have worked well in your meeting that we can share, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 379 The queries for chapter 20 (PDF, will open in new window)
6: Leadership
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Chapter 21 Leadership among equals Page 388 To link to Robert Greenleaf’s writings go to https://greenleaf.org/what-is-servant-leadership/ . Currently the Wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Servant_leadership has a good list of further reading on the subject. A bookshop search on leadership can be found here: http://www.quaker.org.uk/shop/book-search?title=leadership&field_author_value=&field_isbn_value=&body=&search_distance= Page 402 The queries for chapter 21 (PDF, will open in new window) -
Chapter 22 Leading with discernment Page 416 The queries for chapter 22 (PDF, will open in new window)
References
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Page 417 A single list of resources is not available, instead, please look at the various links to lists of subject- and topic-based resources that are accessible through links on these pages. Page 422 Just as the very first link from page 18, the appropriate link for this is the very page we are on! www.quaker.org.uk/tender-hand